My routine has changed. Two short weeks and things have drastically changed. I am no longer working 40 hours. I no longer eat disgusting foods. I religiously run every morning. I wear my hair curly/unruly everyday. I love Kale. I drink three smoothies a day. I constantly drink water. For the first time in three years I live full time with my family. I am attached to my laptop. I consult myself instead of others when a problem arises. I am not constantly checking social media or uploading as often. I found out my cars gas range is actually 400 not 200 ( apparently if I continue pumping gas after it clicks it fills up more, whooaaa). I have changed.
I packed a five bedroom house up in three days took a two hour break and then drove from Ohio to Arizona (can you say superwomen?). The very next day I went on an interview and was offered a job. Then the next day I started my training. I did not take time to adjust to Arizona weather. I did not give myself a resting day. I did not allow myself to adjust to the time change (three hours sounds simple but BOY is it tiring). I did not allow myself to adjust to a new surrounding. I did not drink enough water.
I worked. I slept. I ate. I was sad. I watched Netflix. I attempted to make sure everyone involved in this moved was as sad as me. I felt depressed. I felt like the walls were caving in. I became sick, mentally and physically. Everything felt like a darkhole. I stopped going to work due to my exhaustion. I felt horrible. I let my new employer down. I was a failure.
Well after a binge session of Orange Is The New Black season 3 something changed. I had a dream that a friend form Ohio passed away. In the dream I had no remorse, no sadness, no feeling. I did not cry or even feel the need to attend the funeral. Although I knew it was dream and that I could never be that cruel I did a big crying session once I woke up. I cried alone and to my mom, which ended with one of my typical “NO ONE CARES ABOUT MY FEELINGS” lines. I showed the symptoms that I wish I would have shown in my dream. I knew then that I was carrying hate in my heart.
Hate for Gilbert. Hate for Arizona, Hate for failed friendships. Hate for failed relationships. Hate for Lupus. As a Christian you are taught to never hate anyone. I struggle with that concept. We should give all of our problems to God and pray during hard times. He will give us serenity. Well Samantha was not doing that. I was holding everything in and blackening my heart (hopefully someone other than me out there watches Once Upon A Time). I am not going to lie to you and say I actually let ALL my situations go but I am attempting to learn how.
Samantha’s Let Go, Let God steps
1.Pray (or meditate or sit in silence depending on your personal preference no judgment here!)
2. STOP thinking about it (literally open TMZ whenever you’re reminded of something that makes your sad and I bet you’ll find a laugh)
3. Find a hobby (I like running, blogging, reading, and watching Netflix)
4. Limit social media stalking (be real, we all do it)
5. Listen to your MAMA (she knows all)
6. Learn some breathing techniques (in and out Samantha, in and out)
xo ♥ S
slightlycurly 